How the Words We Use Can Make It Better — or Worse
“My anxiety.”
Two little words. So simple. So… sticky.
I hear this a lot in my therapy room. My anxiety. It sounds harmless enough, but think about what you’re really telling your subconscious mind every time you use this phrase.
You’re claiming ownership. You’re making it part of your identity. Like a favourite jumper or your pet dog.
“This is mine. I have it. I keep it.”
Now, would you do that with a headache? A cold? Probably not. You’d say, “I’ve got a headache today” not “my headache” in a tone that suggests it’s a beloved family heirloom.
The Power of Language
Our subconscious mind listens carefully to the language we use, even when we’re not consciously paying attention. It soaks up the words we repeat and builds beliefs around them.
If you say “my anxiety” often enough, your subconscious starts filing that away as fact:
👉 Anxiety is part of who I am.
👉 It belongs to me.
👉 I will always have it.
That’s not exactly helpful if you want to feel calmer and more in control.
Try This Instead
Here’s a simple shift that can make a big difference: change how you talk about anxiety.
Instead of:
“My anxiety is bad today.”
Try:
“I’m experiencing some anxiety today.”
Or:
“An anxious feeling is coming up right now.”
See the difference? You’re not claiming it, owning it, or making it permanent. You’re describing a passing experience which is exactly what anxiety is. A temporary state, not your lifelong sidekick.
Words Shape Experience
The way we talk about things influences how we experience them. This is especially true for anxiety.
If you tell yourself:
👉 “I can’t cope.”
👉 “This is too much.”
👉 “I’m going to panic.”
— your subconscious takes those messages as instructions and acts accordingly.
But if you shift your language:
👉 “I’ve handled things like this before.”
👉 “This will pass.”
👉 “I can breathe through this.”
— you give your subconscious a very different script to follow.
Small Tweaks, Big Impact
Of course, changing language alone won’t magically erase anxiety (if only!). But it’s one of the simplest, most powerful tools we have to influence how we feel and it’s completely in your control.
The words you choose are like little seeds planted in your mind. Over time, they grow into beliefs, attitudes, and habits. So it makes sense to plant seeds that help you feel calmer, stronger, and more resilient.
And if you do catch yourself saying “my anxiety”, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just notice, and gently shift your phrasing next time. Like training a puppy - kind, consistent, no drama.
Final Thought
You are not your anxiety. It is not who you are. It’s an experience you sometimes have and like all experiences, it can change.
And if you'd like a hand helping that change along, you know where to find me.
(Yes, I had to get that cheeky plug in. Therapist’s privilege.)
